external monologue

concessions

thursday night is "house dinner" at our apartment. my four roommates and i always make a point of being home by 7ish and gathering around the table for an intentional meal together. years ago, when we started this, it all seemed a bit contrived, but of late, i think we've all come to rely upon it as needed quality time together. the best ones are when no one has any plans after dinner and we all retire to the porch to finish off the wine, and partake of some fresh air. i think this past week's was one of our best ever. which brings me to the point of this entry - concessions.

we spent a good couple of hours discussing relationships. something we all tend to do after a long week and a few glasses of wine. (i won't get into details, i'll just say there's plenty of confusion under one roof.) the topic this week was how and why people make concessions, or compromises, in relationships, and whether that's a good thing. brent and i tend to think that making concessions are some sort of falsification of the self and that if you make changes specifically to please your "special someone" then you're just being fake. whereas my other roommates, isaac and chris, tend to feel that making concessions is the stuff of good relationships. that is, when you love someone, you give up things that are important to you for the "greater cause" of the relationship.

by the end of the evening, i must admit, i was beginning to change my own tune, and seeing the importance of making "concessions" (perhaps not the best term). i can't tell you how many times i've heard my married friends say something to the effect of "marriage is all about compromise." and looking back over my own relational attempts i can see where i've often gotten off-track due to my own (or others) unwillingness to compromise. so, as always, i suppose there's a balance to be struck. somewhere between a total loss of identity into someone else, as Will Leitch fears, and holding out for an exact mirror of oneself.

if you didn't catch the link before, thesimon.com's life as a loser was all about the same thing this week.